I hated myself. No matter how many times I was reminded by my parents about how much they loved me, no matter how many times my boyfriend reminded me I was the most beautiful girl in the world to him, no matter how many times ANY of that happened, I would still hate myself. And the fact that I was bullied growing up didn’t help because at any given time those memories would decide to resurface themselves and make me cringe. Most times I would be sitting with Michael as he played video games and I would just sit and shudder, my eyes drifting down to my lap as I took deep breaths. “Babe are you okay?” He asked after I let out a small scream during one of my flashbacks. “Hm? I’m…I’m okay. How about you go and get us something to eat alright?” I said touching his forearm. “Are you sure? You’re having one of your little cringe attacks again.” He brushed his thumb over my cheek and I grabbed his hand. “I’ll be fine. I’ll just drink some water and take deep breaths. Alright?” I leaned forward and kissed him softly before he gave me a tentative look. “Alright. Call me though if something happens to you.” I nodded as he got off the couch and walked to the door, taking his car keys and wallet with him. I put my head in my hands and took a deep breath before letting out a scream of agony. No matter what, I was hurting. I was hurting from the memories, the wounds that wouldn’t heal. Brushing my hair back, I stood up and went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. I carefully took a sip, seeing as my breathing was all over the place. Pulling the bottle away from my lips, I looked ahead of me and saw a bottle of aspirin sitting in front of me. I had friends who would end it like that, just down the whole bottle at once and then they would be found dead later, the pills taking a couple of hours to affect them. Michael should be gone for another thirty minutes, maybe if I was lucky I could die in my sleep. Absent mindedly I picked up the bottle and twisted off the lid, reaching into the utensil drawer and taking a knife to get the safety seal off. I then poured a handful of the pills in my hand and put them in my mouth, reaching behind me and taking a drink of water large enough to swallow all the pills. Once they ran down my throat, I felt my stomach lurch as they finally got out of my throat. But that wasn’t enough to do the job I thought, so I repeated my actions, feeling the pills fall into my stomach as I drank more water. Reading the warning label, they were to take effect in two hours. 50 pills, two hours, that would definitely kill me in my sleep. But as I turned the bottle around in my hand to get more information about the pills, the front door opened and Michael walked in with the pizza. “Babe why didn’t you answer my calls? Did something-“ he eyed the bottle of pills in my hands and dropped the pizza and his car keys onto the floor. He walked over to me and shook it, quickly having his jaw drop once he realized that it was empty. “I bought this two days ago and it was full. Where are the pills?” He asked quietly. I didn’t say anything, just backed into the wall. “Y/N where are the pills.” His voice was still quiet and soft, but the pain in my stomach wasn’t. I quickly reached for the garbage can and hurled the pills into it, my body shaking as I threw them all up. My body weakened and I fell onto the floor, clutching my stomach. He quickly met my side, pulling me into a sitting position. “I need to go to the hospital,” I moaned out, rubbing my stomach. “Why’d you do that?” He asked, his hands cupping my face before stroking my hair. “Because even though people say they love me, they say all the nice things, I’m still reminded of everything that has happened to me in the past. And I can’t live with myself because of them.” I felt tears prick in my eyes before rolling down my cheeks, my head hanging as they kept falling. “I’m sorry Michael,” I said rubbing my head. He didn’t say anything, he simply pulled me into his lap and stroked my hair, occasionally kissing my forehead. “Please, please just talk to me next time.” I nodded and wrapped my arms around him.